Consulting ≠ Control

Why is it that people confuse consulting their partner with that person wanting to control their lives?

When you enter into a relationship, you have to be prepared to consult your partner on both major and minor decisions. It's no longer only about you, your wants and your needs. You now have to consider another person when making decisions about major purchases, accepting a dinner invitation for both of you, going for a girls'/guys' night or weekend. Somehow, this is regularly equated with "having to ask permission" which leads to unnecessary anger and arguments under the banner of "I'm a grown man/woman! You don't tell me what to do. I don't need your permission to spend MY hard earned money." Blah. Blah. Blah.

Too many folks, especially those who get married for the first time later in life (and by later, I mean after 30) make this mistake. Having spent over a decade designing a life just the way you want it, here comes this person messing it all up.

I get that it's a major adjustment going from "me" to "we". It takes a little time to change the way you relate to the world. But it's no longer just about you. And if you want to send the message that your partner is an important part of your life, just ask one simple question before making decisions that affect you both - "does that work for you, honey?"