Are There Predators Out There?

Kathy thought she'd met her ideal candidate for a serious relationship. After connecting through a popular online dating site, and talking with him on the phone, she agreed to meet at a local bar. He was a doctor; even told her which hospital he worked at. He was charming and bought her drinks. It never occurred to her that she was in danger. The next morning, she woke up groggy, sick, and in pain. A visit to the emergency room confirmed the worst: she'd been drugged (with something slipped into her drink while she was in the restroom) and raped.

What Kathy now knows is that there are predators who use internet dating sites to identify and stalk their victims. Some are serial rapists. These men are clever, using cover stories that enhance their stature in the eyes of overly trusting women. Some use drugs such as Rohypnol to render their victims unconscious, while other lure their victims to a hotel room or other location.

Basic precautions can prevent most of these assaults. Things you should never do:

-Leave your drink unattended in a stranger situation; or accept a drink handed to you by a stranger
-Invite someone to your home without first doing a background check
-Go to a hotel room or someone's home without first doing a background check
-Give out personal information online

Things you should always do when dating strangers met over the internet:

-Have first, second, and third dates in public places, meet there, and avoid alcohol
-Be sceptical about any information he shares with you initially; verify what you hear
-Before progressing in the relationship, Google the person, then do a background check to rule out the married and ex-cons
-Ask for references, and call them, before you progress past public meetings, including his employer

Above all, listen to and TRUST your gut.

The bottom line is this: never, ever, ever let your attraction to someone cause you to abandon your common sense or ignore those internal warning bells. Be protective of yourself in any situation with a man you don't really know.

10/1/2007 7:00:00 AM
Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singles Coach, Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a licensed therapist with over 20 years in private practice. Nina launched the world’s first educational resource on the internet for singles, Singlescoach®, in 1996, simultaneously with the publication of her first book, Be Your Own Dating Service. Since then, she’s establi...
View Full Profile Website: http://www.singlescoach.com/

Comments
These are great tips. I wish this was a disclaimer for women posted on websites. Seriously.
Posted by Linda Spreeman
Great advice, Nina. I once heard someone say that the more attracted you are to someone, the faster you should run the other way b/c you are much more likely to abandon your own "signals" and intuition if you are that attracted to someone. I thought that was insightful advice. Something I'd like to add to your list of things to check out when "dating on the Internet." If you're looking to really get involved with someone, before it goes too far, check their credit. If you're good with money there is nothing worse than hooking up with someone that is going to take years and years to clean up their credit; they'll end up spending your money AND theirs and you'll probably never get a house together unless it's all in your name. I know people that have broken up b/c of this, and I also know people that worked through this kind of issue. But it's good to know in advance what you'll be facing down the road financially.
Posted by Bryan

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